The people we call authentic are often the ones capable of identifying their weaknesses and talking about them in an honest way. That’s good, in a way. In another way, the fact that humans are unpredictable and flawed doesn’t mean we cannot strive for character. Growing in character is, after all, of more benefit to us than anyone else, though the people who have to live with us probably aren’t going to complain.
When we speak about authentic politicians, we often mean they are authentic to their baser impulses such as fearmongering and name-calling. But couldn’t a politician also be authentic to their nobler impulses? Why are we more likely to call such a person boring, elitist, and, well, inauthentic.
At heart, nobody likes to live in constant dysfunction. At the end of the day, feeling dysregulated isn’t all that sexy. Going off on reactive outbursts might feel good in the moment, but what then? Who’s left to pick up the pieces? So I tweeted something off my chest – how am I now going to replenish myself with the nutrients that produce stable, flourishing humans?
In our inalienable right to pursue happiness, perhaps we also ought to look after the basics sometimes. Sleep. Exercise. Water. Regarding water, I remember a quote from a comedian: “Sometimes I panic and think I need a new religion, a new profession, and a new spouse, but then I realize I just need a tall glass of water.” Also, there was a stodgy preacher from the Midwest who once stumbled upon an excellent point. He said something along the lines of, “You can be as spiritual as you wish, but if you aren’t getting your rest and a proper diet, you aren’t going to be a good Christian.” In the many sermons I heard from him, that’s the only thing I remember.
We replace stress with rest, so we can speak gently to our spouse and children. We plan our day so we can have a robust medley of productivity and relaxation. We make the effort to stay in touch with friends and family even if we feel misunderstood or slighted by them. These are viable ways to live, and I’m just going to say it, authentic ways to live. Yes, being human means making mistakes, and members of our race are hard to live with. We will inexorably do things we regret and those around us abhor. But there is nothing inauthentic about learning to space out our failings. There is nothing inauthentic about being 0.01 percent less of an asshole this month than last month.
There is nothing inauthentic about attending to the variables within our control.
Sometimes a man’s love is easier to see in what he does than in what he says. It can be in the way he shows up, protects the relationship, tries to make your life easier, or puts his pride aside to make peace. That does not mean every behaviour should be excused, but sometimes we miss the quiet ways someone is saying, “You matter to me.” Real love is not always loud. Sometimes it is simply found in the things they do without being asked.
#RealLove #RelationshipAdvice #UnderstandingMen #LoveAndActions #HealthyRelationships